This week was Margaret Thatcher’s funeral, which I have to confess, I had little interest in. Saying that I thought of a cynical take on it, imagining the BBC portraying it like the Olympics (“We’ll take you over to the funeral home but first we’ve got Robbie Williams in the studio”)
I wasn’t really feeling this idea though so lucky for me I went to a beer festival. No, the event itself didn’t particularly inspire me but things seem to come to me when I’m hung-over. Like the need for bacon. Or the idea below.
So read, enjoy, and feel free to comment. It’s only a first draft but I can’t imagine myself re-visiting it unless a competition rears its ugly head.
We Need Some Time
Amardeep Singh Sandhu
CAROL
Will, dinner’s almost ready! Come on!
WILL bounds onto the stage
WILL
What time is it? My god it worked! My giddy aunt! It actually worked! My god...
CAROL
Will no-one says my giddy aunt anymore. What worked?
WILL
Erm I can’t remember...err nope gone.
CAROL
You know one day you’re going to forget something really important. You should write things down, I could…
WILL turns the television on and sits at the table
WILL
Blimey Margaret Thatcher has died. In fact, that gives me an idea…
CAROL
Or maybe one day you’ll actually listen to me. I’m not surprised she’s conked it. It’s been a long time coming
WILL
I know but wow. Actually....
WILL stares into space
CAROL
You alright?
WILL
I’ve just realised something. I need...
WILL dashes off the stage and returns with his tool box. He takes various things out and starts building a machine
CAROL
What are you doing? We’re having dinner in a minute
WILL
I just need to do this, hold on
CAROL
Come on Will, that can wait
WILL
It can’t, honestly. We can have dinner in a bit
CAROL
You don’t even know what tonight is about do you?
WILL
Is it Christmas again?
CAROL
No it’s not Christmas Will! It’s our second anniversary.
WILL
Oh....
CAROL
Yes oh....
WILL
You know my memories shot. I can barely remember my name sometimes
CAROL
You remember who Margaret bloody Thatcher was!
WILL
Honey, I really need to concentrate on this. Please
just give me two minutes.
CAROL
Fine, whatever
CAROL continues to lay the table but is clearly annoyed. WILL is oblivious.
CAROL
This is not working
WILL
I know it’s not.
CAROL
Well what are we going to do then?
WILL
Errr…screw
CAROL
Excuse me?!
WILL
It needs a different type of screw and then it’ll work
CAROL
Wait, you didn’t..are you...what are you doing?!
WILL
You’ll laugh if I tell you
CAROL
Honestly, i’ll cry if you don’t
WILL
If I don’t what?
CAROL
Tell me what you’re building!
WILL
I’m building...a....time machine
CAROL
Oh god, why am I doing this to myself?!
WILL
See I saw the Thatcher thing and something just twigged. I’ve been doing some things at work anyway and I think I can…
CAROL
You’ve been ignoring me for the last two minutes and you’re completely oblivious to the fact that this, us, isn’t going anywhere and now you’re building a time machine?! Grow up Will!
WILL
I think I can get it to work
CAROL
I’m sure you can. In the meantime, back here in reality, I’ll try and keep whatever this is between us going. It’s bad enough you spend every waking hour at your goddamn office and now you’re bringing it home?!
WILL
Bringing what home?
CAROL
Good Will. Wonderful. I’ll tell you what. Go back in time and make sure we never met.
WILL
Why would I want to do that?
CAROL
Because Will you care about everything, anything else,
other than us
WILL
No I don’t
CAROL
You do. Why is today important?
WILL
Because erm. I...Because Margaret Thatcher died.
CAROL
No Will. It’s not because Margaret Thatcher died. OUR
ANNIVERSARY IS TODAY! The day we first got together, god help me
WILL
I know, you were wearing a blue silk scarf
CAROL
How do you...why did you remember that?
WILL
Because it matched your eyes
CAROL
So you can’t remember that it’s our anniversary but you
can remember what I was wearing?
WILL
I know my memories rubbish but I always remember the important stuff. The little things. I just don’t remember everything. Honestly it gets exhausting.
CAROL
You’re exhausted? How do you think I feel, constantly repeating myself?! “Can you make sure the washing up is done?” “No we are meeting my mother tonight, we already agreed”. I would like to spend some time with you instead of your work answer machine!
WILL
I do important work, you know that.
CAROL
And this isn’t important?
WILL
Of course it is. Just not as important I guess.
CAROL stops what she is doing but WILL continues to tinker.
WILL
I don’t remember the date or where it was but I remember how you looked. What we talked about. Remember I told you about the research on whether people could be psychic
CAROL
Completely top secret. Classified, highly confidential. Not to be shared with anyone unless you know, you wanted to impress a girl
WILL
It worked though didn’t it
CAROL
Do you remember you told me the programme had hit unexpected delays and I thought it was hilarious. I ended up spitting wine everywhere.
WILL
I still don’t get it
CAROL
Because they were trying to be psychic. They should have seen it coming!
WILL
Well that’s technically clairvoyance, not being psychic….
CAROL
It’s a joke Will.
WILL
It’s not a very funny one…
CAROL
Do you think, we’re just too different?
WILL
We probably should be predicted it would be downhill after the first date
CAROL
Why? Was it that bad?!
WILL
No, it was a joke. Because of the psychic thing…
CAROL
Oh I get it now. This insane notion of time travel is so you can erase this. Everything
WILL
No of course not, I....
CAROL
What Will?! Hate me so much you’re more interested in bloody Thatcher dying or sitting there building something ludicrous?!
WILL
No, listen...
CAROL
Maybe it would be better to forget we ever happened
WILL
If it worked. Which it won’t. But if it did…I’d want to go back and do it better.
For you.
CAROL
I...
WILL
I’ve never been the best boyfriend and now I have a chance to put it right. I’ll remember what you tell me, I promise
CAROL
This is a ridiculous conversation you know
WILL
Well you never know
CAROL
Ok well I tell you what. If it works could you remind me not to leave the potatoes on for so long? They’re not perfect but they’ll do for me. What about you?
WILL
Just the way I like them.
They smile at each other. WILL picks up his device, kisses CAROL on the forehead and walks off stage. The stage cuts to darkness and we see a flash of blue. When the lights come back up, CAROL is setting the dinner table again.
CAROL
Will, dinner’s almost ready! Come on!
WILL bounds onto the stage. We’ve returned to the first scene.
WILL
What time is it? My god it worked! My giddy aunt! It actually worked! My god...
CAROL
Will no-one says my giddy aunt anymore. What worked?
WILL
Erm I don’t know...err nope gone.
CAROL
You know one day you’re going to forget something really important. You should write things down, I could…
WILL turns the television on and sits at the table
WILL
Blimey Margaret Thatcher has died. In fact, that gives me an idea…
THE END
