Like buses, you wait ages for one...

And then two blog updates turn up. And they're disgusting and have chav's in them.

Which brings me to my next point. Katie Price.

Like the razor sharp satirst I am (do you know how razor sharp I am? It took me three attempts to spell satrist. Satirist. There we go. Told you!), I thought I would rip it out of the Olympics.

And do you know what, I can't. Against my very nature (forged by constant mocking during P.E lessons), i'm quite enjoying all of this sport. So I thought I would mock Katie Price instead.

Now, Sky Living are competing with the BBC's ambitious use of our TV licence fee (what's that Beeb? 10 hours of coverage?! Take my £12.00 a month....Shhh you're enjoying it Amar remember?!) by broadcasting a documentary on Jordan. Which is an unusual move because I can only imagine her life would generate enough interesting footage to fill one of those annoying adverts you get at the beginning of YouTube videos). Here's the programme description;

"An appearance on Celebrity Deal or No Deal moves Katie Price to tears as she competes to win £250,000 for charity. Later, she and her friends head to Las Vegas, where a day of shopping for puppies and designing perfumes is followed by a sky dive and a zip wire almost 4,000ft above the Valley - a prospect the former glamour model finds terrifying. Back home, an old friend who is now an urban artist helps her create a new self-portrait."

Now if it read like this, I would watch it;

"An appearance on Celebrity Deal or No Deal moves Katie Price to tears as she struggles with the concept of picking random numbers. Later, she and her friends head to Las Vegas, where the idea of shopping for puppies and designing perfumes terrifys the "glamour" model. Back home, an old "friend" ("honestly sweetheart he's just mummies friend who pops round late at night and stays till the morning. What noises? Oh mummy was just playing a really fun game sweetie") who is now a monk helps her create a new self-portrait using colouring pencils"

Instead i've decided to watch the Olympic Swimming. Now when Claire Balding interviewed the brothers Shaune Fraser and Brett Fraser, she came out with a couple of blinding questions;

""You're brothers. Do you fight over breakfast, who gets the sugar and the milk?"
- Yes Claire, that's what world class athletes, hold on, grown men do.

"Did the little brother follow the big brother?"
- Chronologically speaking Claire, he didn't have much choice

"Your parents, they must get extremely nervous"
 - Yes I imagine they do. Especially when the boys start fighting over sugar, milk and who has to answer daft questions.


"Oh but it's just a bit of fun Amar, like when you rip off Stewart Lee's ranting in the third person"

No no it's not. Balding reduces jockeys to tears. Remember that.

I might watch Jordan after all....

The Dark Knight Rises. By Dark Knight, I mean me. By Rises I mean writes. I should have titled this The Me Writes but that doesn't make sense.

So next week i'm off to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival which I am incredibly excited about. Not the funniest opening line for a "funny" blog but that is my point. I've lost my...I want to say groove but that's a horrible word and reminds me of this classic Simpsons moment;

[CLIP HAS BEEN REMOVED BY 20TH CENTURY FOX ON THE BASIS THAT IT MAY POSSIBLY NOT EXIST]

Ok I can't find what I was talking about. Basically Homer watches a film called How Stella Got Her Groove Back. I'm not sure what it's about but I imagine it culminates in Stella getting her "groove back". Educated guess.

Anyway i've lost mine. I haven't written in ages and if you're a dedicated follower of this blog you've probably noticed that it hasn't been updated in a while. Saying that, I felt that in the run up to what should be a 'fest of creativeness (Edinburgh, in case you've lost my original point. It's ok it happens) I thought I would start writing this bad boy again.

See you in six months!!!