After some ruddy bloody nice feedback on my other scripts, I've decided to stick one of my latest ones below.
As part of my ongoing writers group experience, I became consciously aware that all my lead characters tended to be males. I might have been made unconsciously aware of this but then I wouldn't be aware of it.....never mind....
So yeah mainly males. We were challenged to re-invent a parable and I thought I would tackle (no pun intended) The Prodigal Son but write it as The Prodigal Daughter.
Can I write convincing female characters? You decide. Unless you're a sheep. In which case, I'm already impressed that ewe've read this far (pun intended).
Random trivia - When I first presented this to the writers group, the feedback was that the ending was too positive, that it wraps everything up nicely. I therefore present the amended script with added cynical-ness (?)
Characters
Maeve
Dempsey – Proud mother that doesn’t suffer fools easily
Fiona
Dempsey – Older sister that needs to learn to relax
Darcy
Dempsey – Younger sister who is too relaxed
The
three women are sat at a kitchen table, facing away from each other.
MAEVE
I
love my daughters. They’re not perfect and they have their ups and
downs but who doesn’t? I was younger than they are now when I had
them. Twenty years old, pregnant and living above a bookies. I used
to say to Aaron "how can we ever get any luck, if them
downstairs keep using it all up?!". Anyway Fiona came along and
we managed to cope. Five years later Darcy was born and we HAD to
cope. Aaron got the business on its first legs just as he was on his
last and then that was it. Me, single mum, with two young girls and a
failing company. However the great lord himself looked after us. Well
him and Father Chris who let us tell the parishioners about our low
prices every Sunday. Yeah we did alright out of it.
FIONA
You’re
damn right I respect the woman. To be left with two small girls to
look after and then....AND THEN to build up a business to become a
success, well it’s hard to not admire her. I feel like she looked
after us and yeah...now it’s up to us to look after her. Ok she
missed some sports days but that’s understandable right? Trust me,
Darcy could learn a lot from her about responsibility and growing up.
DARCY
Don’t
get me wrong, I love my mum. I know how hard she’s worked. I know
what it was like, trying to get those blokes to listen to her and to
treat her like the boss. Trust me; I know how big a company it is
today and how much it means to her and Fiona but you know what else I
know? I know I don’t care. Missing the odd sports day is ok but
missing dinner with us every night? Fiona doesn’t care but she
could learn a lot about choosing money over actually enjoying life.
MAEVE
I
know they both care deeply about what we’ve got. It’s their
future and their fathers’ legacy. Aaron used to say to me "wait
for them to become women and let them make their own choices Em."
So I decided when they both turned sixteen, I would give them their
portion of the company. Let them make their own choice. Fiona got it
first and honestly, she was the strangest sixteen year old I’ve
ever seen. All she talked about was being part of the business. That
was all she wanted to spend her share on.
FIONA
Well
once I got the money, it was a no-brainer. I bought Spice Girls
tickets. Why wouldn’t I? It was great that night, Wembley Stadium
and Geri Haliwell strutting her stuff. It was that song ’Mamma’
that got me though. It was then that I decided I wasn’t going to
let my mother down. Everything else could wait. I poured the rest of
the cash, save fifty quid that I spent on an iPod, into the company
and became a majority partner. By seventeen I was bossing around men
twice my height and age. Geri would have been proud!
DARCY
Honestly
though, how sad can you be? You’re given this HUGE sum of money and
you spend it on Spice Girls tickets?! Like please! And then to make
it worse, you spend the rest on an iPod?! Oh wait, that’s quite
cool actually...Seriously though, she’s such a goody two shoes "oh
please take my money mummy...I want to come to church with you every
Sunday and spend every weekday with greasy smelly builders".
Now, me, I know how to spend cash...
MAEVE
Now,
Darcy, well she knows how to spend cash. Completely different from
Fiona but not in a good or bad way. Just different. I admired her
free spirit, her reluctance to be tied down. I wished she had thought
about her future but life’s too short. I don’t think what she did
was a bad idea.
FIONA
Absolutely
terrible idea. Our mother and father busted their arses to provide
for us and she squanders it on what? Shots of Sambuca and pitchers of
cocktails?! Please! I thought at the time "Just you wait
sweetheart. All of this will be over soon and then where will you be?
Busting trays at McDonalds, that’s where"
DARCY
Right,
have you ever seen cows? The young ones, the calves, are cute and
free and then they get older and the farmer feeds them up and then
what? They become fat old cows, standing around in a field, doing the
same thing every day and waiting to die. I’ll tell you something. I
was a calf and I had no intention of standing still and getting fat.
The minute the cash rolled in I was off. Bye bye cow herd, this calf
was going to get slaughtered in a completely different way. Spent the
first couple of years, bouncing round the country. Festivals,
weekends away. A two year hangover. When I was drunk once I
accidentally drove a Mini Cooper into the Thames. Well I say the
Thames, it was actually the canal down the road. Well I say a Mini
Cooper. OK it was a shopping trolley but you know...erm...rock and
roll… When I turned eighteen, the world was literally my oyster.
First bar I hit up; the Ranch in Australia! The floors haven’t been
their original colour in years but who cares. You don’t look at the
floor when you’re dancing the night away! I was free and I was
never coming back.
MAEVE
And
after a while I got a letter from her. She was coming back. If I’m
being entirely honest with you, I wish she hadn’t blown it
all....but she did. And she’s my girl. So I prepared to welcome her
back with open arms and I imagined Fiona felt the same.
FIONA
Nope!
Absolutely not. I was not interested in the slightest that "the
prodigal daughter" herself was returning. Don’t get me wrong;
I was happy that she was coming home to us safely. That aside, I was
adamant; there was no way she was getting back into the business. She
spent her share; goodbye, I’m out, she’s fired!
DARCY
Yeah
so I got fired. From this bar in LA. Like I cared. I had all the
money I wanted. Except when I finally checked my balance I erm sort
of didn’t. Luck’s like a bloke; it sticks around when the times
are good but before you know it, it’s out the door quicker than a
weed smoker when the police come knocking. And so I decided to come
home. The bubble had burst. Grr I could see Fiona’s stupid face
"err I told you this would happen!” I decided I needed a
story. "Guys, I’ve spent all this time in Africa, building a
village for those more unfortunate than me but now the moneys run
out, Lenny Henry isn’t prepared to help, and so I’m back...."
I practiced it constantly on the way home. When I got off the plane,
I saw her and I was ready. "Mum! Listen...."
MAEVE
And
I stopped her right there. "You do not have to say anything
Darcy. I just love that you’re home" And I did. I didn’t
care what she had been doing. All that mattered was that my two girls
were home. I decided I would throw a party. Nothing massive, just
close friends and family. Something to welcome Darcy back with. I was
aware that Fiona would be annoyed so I got a beautiful piece of veal
for the party, Fiona’s favourite. I knew she’d be ok with
everything.
FIONA
I
was not ok with everything. Not in the slightest. So not only does
she creep back into our lives with some crap story about being in
Africa, but mum throws her a party?! To top it all off, Mum’s
cooking this lovely piece of veal, my favourite may I add, for her
darling Darcy. Talk about kicking a girl when she’s down! Darcy
doesn’t appreciate the hard work that goes into these things.
DARCY
I
appreciated the effort but I wasn’t in a partying mood. I did a lot
of that when I was away. A little too much. Nope, all I wanted to do
was keep my head down, find a job and build a life. I didn’t even
like the veal!
MAEVE
Darcy
loved the veal! Fiona wasn’t happy with the whole thing so she
skipped the party. Why wasn’t she happy to see her sister? Honestly
those girls! How can I be expected to keep those bloody builders in
line if I can’t control my own family?!
FIONA
And
so I told Darcy that I was happy she was back but she was not by any
means to think she was getting a part of the company. She traded her
share for shots and cocktails and now it’s gone, she’s out. I
didn’t go to that sham of the party; I had work to do. Some of us
had to keep those bloody builders in line!
DARCY
I
didn’t care about those bloody builders! I just wanted a job in a
McDonalds or something. I saw Fiona and after she finished her
’territorial, I’ve wee’d on this tree and it’s now mine
speech’ I told her how I felt. "It wasn’t my fault that you
wasted your life Fiona. You’re jealous that I’ve lived. Truly
lived. And frankly that’s pathetic!" That didn’t go down too
well. Why can’t we all just be honest with each other?!
Maeve
pushes her chair back, and steps back. The girls do the same and
stand next to her, facing each other.
MAEVE
So
you two
FIONA
Mum
wait I need to
DARCY
No
let me
MAEVE
You
don’t even
FIONA
I
do and no.
DARCY
No
what?
FIONA
No,
I don’t forgive you
DARCY
Do
you think I ca…
FIONA
No
and neither do I. Jesus!
Fiona
walks off the stage
DARCY
Mum,
I was going to
MAEVE
I
know
DARCY
But
I don’t know why I
MAEVE
Because
she’s your sister
DARCY
No
she’s not
Darcy
walks off the stage
MAEVE
Oh...those
bloody girls....Cows! Both of them...my cows...
Maeve
sits back at the table and puts her head in
her arms. The lights
fade out.
THE
END
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