Monday 28 October 2013

Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it – George Carlin

Thanks George. Good quote.

After some ruddy bloody nice feedback on my other scripts, I've decided to stick one of my latest ones below.

As part of my ongoing writers group experience, I became consciously aware that all my lead characters tended to be males. I might have been made unconsciously aware of this but then I wouldn't be aware of it.....never mind....

So yeah mainly males. We were challenged to re-invent a parable and I thought I would tackle (no pun intended) The Prodigal Son but write it as The Prodigal Daughter.

Can I write convincing female characters? You decide. Unless you're a sheep. In which case, I'm already impressed that ewe've read this far (pun intended).

Random trivia - When I first presented this to the writers group, the feedback was that the ending was too positive, that it wraps everything up nicely. I therefore present the amended script with added cynical-ness (?)

Characters
Maeve Dempsey – Proud mother that doesn’t suffer fools easily
Fiona Dempsey – Older sister that needs to learn to relax
Darcy Dempsey – Younger sister who is too relaxed

The three women are sat at a kitchen table, facing away from each other.
MAEVE
I love my daughters. They’re not perfect and they have their ups and downs but who doesn’t? I was younger than they are now when I had them. Twenty years old, pregnant and living above a bookies. I used to say to Aaron "how can we ever get any luck, if them downstairs keep using it all up?!". Anyway Fiona came along and we managed to cope. Five years later Darcy was born and we HAD to cope. Aaron got the business on its first legs just as he was on his last and then that was it. Me, single mum, with two young girls and a failing company. However the great lord himself looked after us. Well him and Father Chris who let us tell the parishioners about our low prices every Sunday. Yeah we did alright out of it.

FIONA
You’re damn right I respect the woman. To be left with two small girls to look after and then....AND THEN to build up a business to become a success, well it’s hard to not admire her. I feel like she looked after us and yeah...now it’s up to us to look after her. Ok she missed some sports days but that’s understandable right? Trust me, Darcy could learn a lot from her about responsibility and growing up.

DARCY
Don’t get me wrong, I love my mum. I know how hard she’s worked. I know what it was like, trying to get those blokes to listen to her and to treat her like the boss. Trust me; I know how big a company it is today and how much it means to her and Fiona but you know what else I know? I know I don’t care. Missing the odd sports day is ok but missing dinner with us every night? Fiona doesn’t care but she could learn a lot about choosing money over actually enjoying life.

MAEVE
I know they both care deeply about what we’ve got. It’s their future and their fathers’ legacy. Aaron used to say to me "wait for them to become women and let them make their own choices Em." So I decided when they both turned sixteen, I would give them their portion of the company. Let them make their own choice. Fiona got it first and honestly, she was the strangest sixteen year old I’ve ever seen. All she talked about was being part of the business. That was all she wanted to spend her share on.

FIONA
Well once I got the money, it was a no-brainer. I bought Spice Girls tickets. Why wouldn’t I? It was great that night, Wembley Stadium and Geri Haliwell strutting her stuff. It was that song ’Mamma’ that got me though. It was then that I decided I wasn’t going to let my mother down. Everything else could wait. I poured the rest of the cash, save fifty quid that I spent on an iPod, into the company and became a majority partner. By seventeen I was bossing around men twice my height and age. Geri would have been proud!

DARCY
Honestly though, how sad can you be? You’re given this HUGE sum of money and you spend it on Spice Girls tickets?! Like please! And then to make it worse, you spend the rest on an iPod?! Oh wait, that’s quite cool actually...Seriously though, she’s such a goody two shoes "oh please take my money mummy...I want to come to church with you every Sunday and spend every weekday with greasy smelly builders". Now, me, I know how to spend cash...

MAEVE
Now, Darcy, well she knows how to spend cash. Completely different from Fiona but not in a good or bad way. Just different. I admired her free spirit, her reluctance to be tied down. I wished she had thought about her future but life’s too short. I don’t think what she did was a bad idea.

FIONA
Absolutely terrible idea. Our mother and father busted their arses to provide for us and she squanders it on what? Shots of Sambuca and pitchers of cocktails?! Please! I thought at the time "Just you wait sweetheart. All of this will be over soon and then where will you be? Busting trays at McDonalds, that’s where"

DARCY
Right, have you ever seen cows? The young ones, the calves, are cute and free and then they get older and the farmer feeds them up and then what? They become fat old cows, standing around in a field, doing the same thing every day and waiting to die. I’ll tell you something. I was a calf and I had no intention of standing still and getting fat. The minute the cash rolled in I was off. Bye bye cow herd, this calf was going to get slaughtered in a completely different way. Spent the first couple of years, bouncing round the country. Festivals, weekends away. A two year hangover. When I was drunk once I accidentally drove a Mini Cooper into the Thames. Well I say the Thames, it was actually the canal down the road. Well I say a Mini Cooper. OK it was a shopping trolley but you know...erm...rock and roll… When I turned eighteen, the world was literally my oyster. First bar I hit up; the Ranch in Australia! The floors haven’t been their original colour in years but who cares. You don’t look at the floor when you’re dancing the night away! I was free and I was never coming back.

MAEVE
And after a while I got a letter from her. She was coming back. If I’m being entirely honest with you, I wish she hadn’t blown it all....but she did. And she’s my girl. So I prepared to welcome her back with open arms and I imagined Fiona felt the same.

FIONA
Nope! Absolutely not. I was not interested in the slightest that "the prodigal daughter" herself was returning. Don’t get me wrong; I was happy that she was coming home to us safely. That aside, I was adamant; there was no way she was getting back into the business. She spent her share; goodbye, I’m out, she’s fired!

DARCY
Yeah so I got fired. From this bar in LA. Like I cared. I had all the money I wanted. Except when I finally checked my balance I erm sort of didn’t. Luck’s like a bloke; it sticks around when the times are good but before you know it, it’s out the door quicker than a weed smoker when the police come knocking. And so I decided to come home. The bubble had burst. Grr I could see Fiona’s stupid face "err I told you this would happen!” I decided I needed a story. "Guys, I’ve spent all this time in Africa, building a village for those more unfortunate than me but now the moneys run out, Lenny Henry isn’t prepared to help, and so I’m back...." I practiced it constantly on the way home. When I got off the plane, I saw her and I was ready. "Mum! Listen...."

MAEVE
And I stopped her right there. "You do not have to say anything Darcy. I just love that you’re home" And I did. I didn’t care what she had been doing. All that mattered was that my two girls were home. I decided I would throw a party. Nothing massive, just close friends and family. Something to welcome Darcy back with. I was aware that Fiona would be annoyed so I got a beautiful piece of veal for the party, Fiona’s favourite. I knew she’d be ok with everything.

FIONA
I was not ok with everything. Not in the slightest. So not only does she creep back into our lives with some crap story about being in Africa, but mum throws her a party?! To top it all off, Mum’s cooking this lovely piece of veal, my favourite may I add, for her darling Darcy. Talk about kicking a girl when she’s down! Darcy doesn’t appreciate the hard work that goes into these things.

DARCY
I appreciated the effort but I wasn’t in a partying mood. I did a lot of that when I was away. A little too much. Nope, all I wanted to do was keep my head down, find a job and build a life. I didn’t even like the veal!

MAEVE
Darcy loved the veal! Fiona wasn’t happy with the whole thing so she skipped the party. Why wasn’t she happy to see her sister? Honestly those girls! How can I be expected to keep those bloody builders in line if I can’t control my own family?!

FIONA
And so I told Darcy that I was happy she was back but she was not by any means to think she was getting a part of the company. She traded her share for shots and cocktails and now it’s gone, she’s out. I didn’t go to that sham of the party; I had work to do. Some of us had to keep those bloody builders in line!

DARCY
I didn’t care about those bloody builders! I just wanted a job in a McDonalds or something. I saw Fiona and after she finished her ’territorial, I’ve wee’d on this tree and it’s now mine speech’ I told her how I felt. "It wasn’t my fault that you wasted your life Fiona. You’re jealous that I’ve lived. Truly lived. And frankly that’s pathetic!" That didn’t go down too well. Why can’t we all just be honest with each other?!

Maeve pushes her chair back, and steps back. The girls do the same and stand next to her, facing each other.

MAEVE
So you two

FIONA
Mum wait I need to

DARCY
No let me

MAEVE
You don’t even

FIONA
I do and no.

DARCY
No what?

FIONA
No, I don’t forgive you

DARCY
Do you think I ca…

FIONA
No and neither do I. Jesus!

Fiona walks off the stage

DARCY
Mum, I was going to

MAEVE
I know

DARCY
But I don’t know why I

MAEVE
Because she’s your sister

DARCY
No she’s not

Darcy walks off the stage

MAEVE
Oh...those bloody girls....Cows! Both of them...my cows...

Maeve sits back at the table and puts her head in her arms. The lights fade out.





THE END

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